Love, Dates & Heartbreaks, Part 1: The Right Person Myth (Andy Stanley)
In relationships, we often believe if we find the right person it will make everything right. So we ask ourselves, “Is this the right person for me?” Maybe we need to be asking a different question—a question that shifts our focus from seeking the right kind of person to becoming the right kind of person.
The kind of person Jesus leads his followers to become is the kind of person we are looking for and, ultimately, want to become.
John 15:1–2, 4–5, 9-10
Love, Dates & Heartbreaks, Part 2: The Fine Print (Andy Stanley)
If becoming the right kind of person is key to a great relationship, how do you do that? Is there something you can do to prepare? Does it just happen? Sure, we’re supposed to love others, but what does that really mean? Let’s lean in and read the fine print.
A promise is no substitute for preparation. If we want to have great relationships, we must do some work. We need to look at ourselves and see where we may need more practice. Where do you have work to do? Patience? Kindness? Public celebration of others? Honor?
1 Corinthians 13:4–5
Love, Dates & Heartbreaks, Part 3: Grownup Love (Andy Stanley)
From elementary school through high school, many of us had ideas of what the perfect relationship would look like in the future. While those dreams may not represent our current reality, a step in the right direction could be to follow the apostle Paul’s advice—move from our childish ways and start being grownups.
Look over these words that describe what it means to demonstrate love. For each one, are you more interested in becoming more like these or for someone else to?
● Patient ● Kind ● Not jealous ● Honoring ● Self-less ● Not easily angered ● Not a scorekeeper ● Protective
● Trusting ●Hopeful ● Persevering
1 Corinthians 13:6–7, 13:11
Love, Dates & Heartbreaks, Part 4: Five Rules for Dating (Andy Stanley)
If you don’t want a relationship like the majority of relationships, don’t date like the majority of daters. In this message, Andy Stanley gives five rules for dating.
- Rule #1. Guys: Ask girls on dates.
Ask someone to do something specific on a specific day at a specific time. Clarity is honoring.
- Rule #2. Ladies: Agree to dates.
Don’t agree to just “hang out.” If he asks you to “hang out,” ask if he has a specific plan in mind.
- Rule #3. Don’t ever mistreat anyone, even if they don’t seem to mind being mistreated.
Be truthful. Don’t mislead.
- Rule #4. Don’t allow yourself to be mistreated.
If you saw a relative being treated the way you are being treated, would you be upset?
- Rule #5. Don’t do anything that makes you a liar for life.
You are writing your story. Write one you aren’t afraid to be asked about.
It can be easy to blend, bend, and pretend in order to get in or stay in a relationship. But we need to ask ourselves: Am I losing myself in order to do so? If so, it may be worth considering taking a break from dating. Next time around, you’ll be more prepared to exercise your muscles of courage, self-control, honor, and intentionality.
Love, Dates & Heartbreaks, Part 5: Groundhog Date (Andy Stanley)
Many times, we learn from our mistakes in the areas that matter least, but we repeat our mistakes in the areas that matter most. So how can we ensure that the next time won’t be like the last time? Instead of being a conformer, it’s time to be a transformer.
- Experience Myth: Experience will make me wiser.
Truth: Evaluated experience will make you wiser.
- Know-Better Myth: Since I know better, I’ll do better.
Truth: Know better ≠ Do better.
- Time Myth: Time is against me.
Truth: Time is your friend.
If you don’t want the next time to be like the last time, do something different in the meantime.
Love, Dates & Heartbreaks, Part 6: When Dreams Can't Come True (Andy Stanley)
We all have hopes and dreams, but what are we supposed to do when our hearts are broken and our dreams can’t come true? It’s tempting to take matters into our own hands, but is there a better way?
When your heart is broken and dreams can’t come true, that’s the time to lean in, look up, and reach out.
Pray: “I offer you my dreams and plans. Do to me whatever seems good to you. I acknowledge your right to rule. Your will be done in me.”
2 Samuel 15:25–30